ESCAPING THE FRIEND ZONE

I'm probably going to regret posting this. I wrote it almost two years ago, when I first started my blog and wasn't very good at getting my own opinions or thoughts across. Anyway, this post has been moping around in my drafts folder for such a long time that I just couldn't stand seeing its sad face all the time. I, personally, don't believe in the idea of the friend zone, and think it's absolutely stupid. However, I wanted to get this post up before I did a video on my honest opinions about the friend zone. I hope I managed to make this post half decent in the long overdue editing process, and I hope I helped someone. I don't really know. 

☆What is the "Friend Zone"?☆

Before the internet made up a new trendy name, it was just called seeing a friend as something more when they don't reciprocate your feelings. Now that I think about it, friend zone is so much easier to say. But that's basically what it is; you have a good friend, but you like this person. This person, however, doesn't feel the same way and only views you as a close friend. Most of the time, your crush won't know about your feelings. This is a blessing and a curse.

☆Why does it happen?☆

I honestly don't know why it occurs, there are myriad different reasons. It could be because you projected too much of a friendship attitude and the other person took it at face value. Sometimes being a little bit coy with your feelings doesn't always play out the way you wanted it to, and you just have to deal with it. Maybe the other person simply feels better being friends, and doesn't want to move on from that. There are five words that really stand out, however. Five words that no one wants to hear, but we all know these words need to be said. THEY JUST DON'T LIKE YOU. Ouch.  

An important thing to remember: if you guys don't have much chemistry, then there's almost no escaping the friend zone. You might like each other, but without chemistry, it's a no-mans land.

☆How do you know if you're friend zoned?☆

A big give away is (if you're a girl) if the guy calls you "bro", "man", or "dude". This signifies that he sees you as one of the guys, or more of a sister than a girlfriend. It's the same if you're a guy and a girl calls you "gurl" and stuff like that. This isn't a definite indicator, but it's something you should keep your eyes and ears open for. A more solid tip I can give you is that if they say you're just like a brother/sister to them, you're in the friend zone.

When the other person is completely comfortable around you. If a girl talks about her period, if a guy says "oh I'm just gonna take a shit", it means that they just don't mind. This is a good thing, because they're comfortable being themselves or completely gross around you. But if they liked you, this person would probably be a bit more reluctant to be gross around you. Another part of being comfortable is dressing extremely casually. And I mean wearing something that hasn't been washed in ages, no makeup, and all that jazz. 

When said person you have feelings for talks about other guys/girls with you. Yay. This is one of the biggest hints that this person is interested in someone else, rather than yourself. It sucks, but it is what it is.

This one is pretty damn obvious, but if they try to set you up with other people, honey - you're friend. zoned. Maybe take this opportunity to meet new people, or gauge how much they're invested in your person. Also, this can be the perfect time to make the other person just a little jealous.

The friend zoner (yeah, that makes sense…) might act differently around you compared to others. I can't tell you how they'll act, I don't know the people in this theoretical scenario, but you're a better judge of character than me when it comes to your friends. Are they acting differently around you? Treating you with a more casual 'just friends' attitude? Not giving as much to your friendship or future-relationship as they would someone else's? 

☆Can you escape it?☆

Maybe. You've got to really believe this relationship can work, you've got to be open to rejection, basically open to all possibilities. It's all about subtlety and not being a whiny little shit. Slowly moving yourself out of the friend zone is a lot easier than jumping right in and expressing your feelings. If you're extremely confident and comfortable, then I guess jumping in right away could work for you. Confidence is key, friends. It'll make this situation a helluva lot easier.

Don't be so available. What I mean by this is you've basically got to take a step back from the friendship. I don't mean completely cut them out or be mean, but if they have a chance to miss you, it could open their eyes. You don't have to always agree to do something with them, you don't have to hang out with them during classes, you don't have to text them back right away. People always want something more when they can't have it, and that's what could happen if you step back a little.

Spark a little jealousy. Personally, whenever one of my good friends try to do this they fail miserably. This method doesn't have to be extreme! It can be as simple as having a good, strong relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Maybe mention going on a date or two, just don't get too carried away! You don't even have to go on a date, just go out with some other good friends (guys or girls) and briefly mention it. Now that I think of it, 'jealousy' is too harsh a word to use in this instance, we're merely letting the other person know that we're available.

Change something about yourself. Be careful with this! What I mean is do something little that might catch their attention. Learn a sport or the piano, get a new hairstyle or a new outfit. Do something you've always wanted to do and become a more dynamic or different you. If the person you like is your friend, then they'll notice something different about you and you become 1000 times more interesting. Not that you weren't interesting before, but it's like a challenge or a mystery. Both girls and guys love it. Again, be careful with changing something about yourself. Skip this step if you want to, if not, make it a small change that you want. Don't do this just to get a girl or guy's attention. That's silly. 

Be confident. Have a sense of boldness, know what you're doing. Be you. The other person will respect and like you for who you are without all the charades. It's a well known fact that men and women are more likely to be attracted to someone if they're confident in their own skin. However, there is a line, so try not to be a douche bag. Just be yourself, and things will work out how they're supposed to. 

Go for it. Simple, direct, but oh so difficult. If you have a good understanding of the other person's feelings for you, or just feel like you have to do something; tell them how you feel. Don't be too forceful or OTT, just be honest. Hopefully, they'll feel the same way and you won't need to worry too much anymore. If they tell you it's best to remain friends, then you can break their nose. I'm kidding, it's best not to resort to physical harm, just do whatever is best for you. Not them, not anyone else, not even the friendship if you feel that strongly, but for you.

☆If you can't escape the friend zone, how do you get over this girl/guy?☆

This is a whole other topic in itself, but I'll try to make it as brief as possible. Getting over someone who has friend zoned you is easier than getting over any other person, but at the same time it's harder. It's easier because you know that this probably (hopefully) won't jeopardise your friendship and it's comforting that you guys have the potential to be close again. Also, they don't like you. Stop fantasising about them and get over them. It's harder because you guys were so close and when you wanted to get even closer, you were pushed away. 

I will write a post about getting over someone, but for the mean time I will say this: once you get over this girl/guy, everything will be a lot easier. Any awkwardness on your part will float away, and a weight off your shoulders will lift. To get to this happy point, however, things are going to take time. That's the biggest factor in relationships or crushes; timing, buuut timing's a bitch. Some people are easier to get over than others, and other times it feels like you've been punched in the gut. 

Try taking some time away from this person and the friendship, as long as you need. The hiatus will do you both good and will hopefully either solidify the friendship, or dissipate it if you guys feel that's best.  Who knows, maybe the time away from each other will make that person realise their feelings for you!

Honestly, it's all about timing. Don't force yourself to get over someone by jumping into different relationships that you're not invested in. Don't be that idiot who tries to make their crush jealous by falling over someone else, it's not attractive. Just be patient, and I promise things will work out. If they don't, feel free to resort to the physical harm I mentioned before and break my nose.