Anxiety affects a lot of different people, all around the world, but I for one know nothing about controlling it. I've had anxiety for about two years, and there are a tonne of people out there who've dealt with it for much longer.
To be honest, I've always been embarrassed about my anxiety because it means I'm too scared to do a lot of things that everyone else can do. Long drives make me extremely anxious (bonus: car sickness, yay), theme parks make me anxious, even school makes me anxious. It's disheartening to stay in bed for a week because I don't have the motivation, energy or will to combat my anxiety - so I decided to write a blogpost about it.
About 1 in 4 people have some type of mental illness, and although we really don't like to think of anxiety as a mental illness, that's exactly what it is. There's no need to be embarrassed about it or come up with excuses as to why you can't go out with your friends for fear of having a panic attack. As much as I'd like to, it's difficult to control my anxiety, so it's something that I've got to deal with. Forcing myself to go to school or go out with a friend somewhere makes me feel shitty, but there's a small part of me thats thrilled I could do it.
It's that tiny part of you that you need to focus on, not all the negativity. If you want to let anxiety rule your life, that's fine, but what about all the amazing life opportunities you'll miss out on? The memories? I feel like the regret I have because I missed out on things takes a while to get to me, but when it does I'm always so down about it. I wish I did more of the activities at school camps, I wish I was more confident that I can do things. So, if I want that to happen, then it's my job to make it happen. There are a lot of things I wish I did or didn't do, and a lot of things I'm glad I pushed myself to do.
Being anxiety free is a nice feeling, when I was younger it was so much easier. I'm not sure what triggered my anxiety, although it might have been going on a school camp. I guess I freaked out and wasn't comfortable with a lot of the things we did, and was very stressed out at the time. Avoiding stressful environments is quite difficult for me, seeing as school is the most stressful thing ever. I'm not just saying that because I'm a whiny teenager, but because my school is a particularly unfair and crappy environment. It's not very pleasant, but the Arts programs are awesome and that's what I try to focus on.
The little nugget of good in all that sucky anxiety, the creamy caramel in a Mars bar (sorry, I just ate a Mars bar). If I don't push myself or talk to someone then I don't get to eat my Mars bar, and that's sad. I know that's like the weirdest analogy ever, but just go with it. Although anxiety sucks, it doesn't mean I have to stop doing everything I love.
If you don't want to do something, and you're absolutely against risking bad anxiety or panic attacks, then you don't have to do it. If your friends are pressuring you to do something, just because they're your friends it doesn't mean you have to say yes. You're in charge of your wellbeing, and if you think said activity will risk that, then that's totally okay.
Having said that, if there's even the slightest part of you that wants to do it and thinks that maybe you could overcome a little part of anxiety - just say yes. Go for it! The only person standing in the way of your happiness and freedom is you, but lucky for you, you can be persuaded. Did that make sense? I hope so. Ultimately, beating or dealing with anxiety isn't about hiding in a shell or spiralling into insanity or forcing yourself to do horrible shit - it's about you being happy with where you are at that very moment.
I'm a far cry from being over my anxiety, while others might be dealing with it quite well and others might not even understand what's happening. Who cares what stage you're at? Everything will be okay. If you're not ready to do something about your anxiety, that's fine! No one said you had to start right away because it is a very hard/scary thing. As long as you are trying your hardest to challenge yourself (even the slightest bit), then you'll be able to fix that anxiety. Granted, anxiety doesn't go away, but that doesn't mean we can't control it.
I'm not sure if this helped anyone - but I really hope it did. This was just as much me venting as it was trying to help others. Us anxious people with our craaaaazy ways aren't alone. It's nice to know that there's a huge support network out there; family, friends, social networking sites, professionals. The list goes on.
Remember that while anxiety is scary now, if you push yourself just a little bit everyday or every week it could make a huge difference to your life. Please be respectful to people in the comments below! I'm also thinking about making this a three part series? Let me know! I love you all, little pixies. To anyone with anxiety - you're so much stronger than you think, and you'll see that real soon <3
~Au Revoir!~
