Ask anyone I know, and they'll probably agree that I'm a failure. I hear the parental units talking about how much of a failure I am; doing shit at school, giving up, saying I just overreact at any given moment. When I'm really upset, darling daddy tells me to get over it or laughs. When I'm angry, lovely mummy walks away because she doesn't want to deal with me.
The thing is, I know I'm a failure. I don't need everyone whispering about it and telling me I'll never amount to anything in life because I already know this. Seriously. Don't tell me stuff I already know, because frankly, it's fucking annoying. As I'm writing this blogpost my parents are talking about how pathetic it is of me to avoid school in any way possible. Thank you for your concern, thank you for just handing me over to a counsellor when you didn't want to deal with me. For saying it's 'for my own good', when really it's so you don't have to feel guilty.
That really pisses me off; when people feel obligated to help you. If you don't want to help me and are only lending a hand because you don't want to feel bad later, please do everyone a favour and fuck off. Although it might help out in the short term, it's still just helping yourself. Of course, this isn't always true and not everyone's horrible and I'm being a little dramatic because I'm in a bad mood, but that's not the point.
The point of this blogpost is that I'm having a pity party at the moment and I don't have anyone that I like to talk to about anything, so the internet is (inserting Gilmore Girls reference) a great venterator, ventiriser... idk... Moving on, I used to be a really smart, talented, driven kid. Then I just lost it. I don't know what it was, but it's gone and I can't get it back. Motivation? Being happy? It sucks because I don't know where I stand with myself, let alone everyone I've let down. I hate myself for all the dumb stuff I've done, and I haven't even broken any laws. I'm only harming myself and my future. Blah blah blah.
I know, I know, I know! But I can't just magic myself into something good, okay? I can't do that. So please for love of god fuck off and stop making me feel worse than I already do.
I feel like I'm really channeling my inner bitchy teenager today. I love you all.
~zì jiàn!~
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